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November 13, 2015 Living Autism Leave a comment

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Smells Like Christmas

November 13, 2015 Pamela Bryson-Weaver 1 Comment

A couple of months after we’ve finally settled down in our new home, an exciting development came our Johnny’s way.

Apart from adjusting easily to his new school and meeting new friends, he has developed (though, he loved cooking with me when he was young ) a penchant on culinary cooking. So, we enrolled him in a culinary tech class and yes, such a sweet sweet surprise!

All intent on his purpose of becoming a chef, John would pours his mind over how to prepare the meanest pies. From rolling and kneading of the dough for its crunchy crust to molding it into a perfect pie shell, the awesomely peeled and cored apples, the spices lined up like good platoon of soldiers waiting to be whisked into a gastronomic war of aroma and flavor—his focus is truly awe-inspiring—and yes, leading us to such an awesome home-made apple pie.

Aside from apple, he also loves working on pumpkin and meat pies (goodbye leftovers!), cottage and shepherd’s pie, and so on. Lately, he’s also has been creating fruit flans and now flakey pastries. He is eying a tarts section and a slew of ice cream concoctions he stumbled upon online.

We truly love the culinary school to bits. His chef Del Menchions is not only accommodating, he also nurtures his students encouraging them to give their full potential—and it is working as John seems to be always looking forward to his day in the kitchen no matter how tired he is.

While writing this right now, I can smell him cooking up something to perk my senses up. Amid his autism, my Johnny has always been caring and sensitive to the needs of those around him. Soon, he will join the “legally adult” league but I can now rest my head thinking that he will never go hungry with this new life skill.

Anyway, let me just refrain my thoughts on adult autism and its lack of services thereof. Today, I simply want to celebrate the thought of his newly acquired skills—and he truly aced it! He also got plans for Christmas dinner lined up and we are all dying in hopeless anticipation.

How about you, dear friends? How’s your loved one with autism doing? I fervently hope that amid the meltdowns and frustrations, something bigger and more forceful is coming up. It smells like Christmas once again and to some, this could be a challenge. Today, however, let me simply send you a HUGE HUG to keep the blues away.

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Dear Teachers, I Wish You Knew This About Kids With Autism

November 8, 2015 Pamela Bryson-Weaver 1 Comment

Cover Photo Credits: http://cognoscenti.wbur.org/2013/03/08/autism-virginia-breen-susan-senator

Life has never been the same from the day my son John had his autism diagnosis. This pervasive developmental disorder has changed a lot in our lives and even more so when he was in school. It is common for most, if not all, children who have autism to struggle in social situations. It is ingrained in their system. What may seem natural to other kids do not simply come as naturally to other children with ASD and this makes school a rollercoaster ride for them.

To parents, leaving their children with autism in the care of school teachers can be both a breath of fresh air and unending worry. I believe it is common for parents to feel this way. Parents are “born” to be worrywarts, they say, and this is even amplified to those who have autism in their midst. John will be in 12th grade and up to the this minute, amid the compassion and patience his teachers, there is always that lingering fear—and if I am to repeat the whole thing over again, these are some of the things I would want a teacher to know when dealing with a student who has autism:

1. All individuals are unique and autism is no different. There are kids who have a hard time speaking even in grunts or nods while others are complete chatterbox. Some kids may show high intellectual thinking, have penchant for music and math, the arts and the logic. But there are also others who are on the opposite side of the spectrum. In this regard and if it is possible, a flexible academic curriculum should apply. The teacher handling the class should know better what to do and discussing it with parents instead of forcing the kid to cope with the rest of the class would be best.

Dear Teachers, I Wish You Knew This About Kids With Autism - bullying — Photo Credits: http://neuronetlearning.com/blog/bullying-experiences-of-children-with-autism/

2. Children on the spectrum have different interests. Let this be your guide in motivating them to learn. My son John has a penchant for sea creatures and he would listen intently on activities that mention them. All other kids in a class have different interests, too. Perhaps, finding a common interest among them will not only increase their interest, it will also improve their socialization skills.

3. Be perceptive of their behavior. To others, a meltdown and negative behavior are just that. No, these things happen for a reason. This is their way of telling you something that they cannot verbalize. When a child “misbehaves,” try to look beyond the misconduct. Take note of what triggered such a behavior and from these observations, finding an alternative for him or her to learn. Patience is a virtue and this is what counts more in this aspect.

Dear Teachers, I Wish You Knew This About Kids With Autism-youngest son — Photo Credits: http://naturemoms.com/blog/tag/youngest-son/

4. Sensory issues are common not only to children with autism but with neurotypicals as well. Loud sounds, rowdy behavior and other discomfiting gestures are just too much for them to take. Schools have occupational therapists and reaching to them to ask for sensory-friendly ideas would help a lot.

5. Be precise in giving instructions. If you want a child to clean up a mess he made, scolding him won’t help. Teaching him how to do it properly, however, will deliver a more positive reaction. Instead of telling a child with autism to “clean up his mess,” be precise by telling him to “throw crumpled paper into the trash bin.” Metaphors and generalized thinking are foreign to them.

6. Never use a child with autism’s weakness when stressing a point. Some teachers do not even know that they are a hairline short from bullying these kids. To the others, this is some form of “constructive criticism.” Well, their brains do not work like others. Precision—this is where they thrive. When you say something in the negative, they will simply perceive it as it is.

7. Be sensitive to their needs. Parents do not ask teachers to give special attention to their autistic kids but, as much as possible, teachers should know when to impose discipline. Never do it when they’re hungry, over-stimulated, fidgety, angry, nervous, or any situation where they are emotionally unstable. Shouting does not help. Talking in a calm soothing voice or leaving him in a quiet corner to feign for himself (but still maintaining your eyes on him) will help bring back his emotions in check.
8. Last but not lease, never attempt stereotype his behavior with that of others. Telling him “kids like you are all the same” will only confuse him. Telling him precisely what is and not acceptable will make him learn more. Instead of lumping him in an over-generalized category, providing him with a concrete example on how to do things will come a long way in shaping up his behavior.

Dear Teachers, I Wish You Knew This About Kids With Autism-activities for autistic — Photo Credits: http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Activities_for_Autistic_Children

Teachers are supposed to be role models for fortitude. They are considered as second parents to our kids. There is no doubt that working around kids with autism and other disabilities can test their patience and endurance. It is scary to hear news on teachers causing undue harm to their students with special needs nowadays. Human as they are, keeping an open mind and reaching out to parents will help ease their burden. Autism or not, our children are works in progress. We are just here to support them. All they need to do is call our attention.

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Cruising the Caribbean with Autism in Tow

November 7, 2015 Pamela Bryson-Weaver Leave a comment

Sailing on a cruise ship is one of the best antidotes to stress. Luxurious and relaxing, it is an experience that many families would love to enjoy. But for families with autism in their midst, this can be challenging. To others, this could also mean an impossible dream. Unlike others whose main concern is to simply pick out the date, the places to pursue and where to point their camera, families with a member who has autism has other concerns that need to be met to make the trip worthwhile.

After the success of my book, Living Autism Day by Day: Reflections to Give You Hope and Courage, in October, I decided to go on a cruise with my 17-year old son, John, who has autism in December. Having been through a lot in the past months due to the rigorous promotion of my book, John’s therapy and school, facilitating the sale of our home, and other matters put my stress hormones in haywire.

So, I decided to discuss with John if he was amenable to being on a cruise ship. As expected, his excitement is over the moon. Just so you know, most individuals with autism have this penchant for water. It could be because it relaxes them but, overall, most of them love being near bodies of water. Most cases in autism wandering are also somewhat related to this particular fondness.

Luckily, today’s passenger cruise ships are quite accommodating to individuals with special needs. We choose Independence of the Seas though, as John had this current in Haiti and ziplines. For other autism families out there who are also planning on getting into a cruise ship and do not know what to do here are some tried-and-tested tips which may come handy to you and the whole family.

Research

Though not blatantly stated on their flyers, not all cruise liners accommodate individuals with special needs especially children. The key is to find one that has lined up activities catered to your child’s interest. John has this interest with ziplining and fish feeding which was included in the Independence of the Seas. Plus, we are curious as to how Haiti had fared after the great quake, a common interest to us both.

Of course, always check itinerary of the cruise ship. If you may, choose one that requires the least tender use. Accessibility and safety ashore must also be on top of your main agenda prior to booking. See to it that excursions and activities are aligned with your child’s interest.

Early Booking

Booking early, on the other hand, can prove to be of much help. This will give you the best choice of cabin location and amenities. You might want one that’s far away from elevators or stairwells. When booking, it is imperative that you inform the in-charge of your child’s condition so they can note it down. Ships accommodating individuals with special needs often employ equally experienced staff and will subsequently make necessary arrangements for a safer and more enjoyable vacation. This also puts you eligible for priority boarding like in our case.

Arrive Ahead of Time

As much as possible, consider arriving at the docking point a day earlier to give your child with autism a chance to relax. Traveling can be stressful to them. Some consequences while en route may cause undue anxiety to him or her. A meltdown often happens when there is too much for them to take. This vacation is for both of you to enjoy. Take time to consider that airport dashes and cranky preparations will only put your child at the precipice.

Pack Accordingly

Individuals with autism have certain quirkiness and no matter how simple, it would seem their lives depended on it. John, for instance, cannot leave home without his favorite shirt. It is his lifeline. Your child may also be like that. Even if you are going to a tropical destination, if he cannot do without his parka, bring it along. It will give him the comfort he needs and peace to your ears.

If you also have special equipment needs like wheelchairs or strollers, pediatric oxygen stuff, and so on, you may want to ask these stuffs with the booking agent. Rent them out to free yourself from the inconvenience of hauling them to and fro your home. Some shipping can also arrange specific food, baby formula and diapers, and other supplements delivered to you.

If you are using a travel agent, it is important to emphasize that you will be travelling with someone who has autism or special needs. Phone calls can be easily forgotten as these people talk to hundreds of contacts per day. It would be best to email your specifications and other requirements for him or her to refer to when looking for a cruising ship for you.

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Autism: 5 Tips to Your Child’s Healthy Diet

November 4, 2015 Pamela Bryson-Weaver 1 Comment

Going on a diet takes a lot of will power and determination. This is even more so when a child has autism. Picky-eating, digestive problems and allergies are just three of the most common problems faced by parents of kids with autism. Repetition is a common element in autism and kids who have it can certainly live off their whole lives eating potato wedges and chicken nuggets, or spaghetti and meatballs, and so on. It does not really matter if a child prefers a certain food that is jam-packed with nutritional value. What matters is when a child favors unhealthy food. It is entirely possible, however, to wean him or her from such unhealthy diet. To jumpstart your quest, here are some useful tips that I have done with my son, John, when he was but a tot. I had highlighted this on my book, Living Autism Day by Day.

1. As much as possible, always involve experts in your first foray to creating a healthy diet for your child who has autism. A registered dietician and an occupational therapist are good options for you to reach out to when trying to address a child’s food aversion or feeding disorder. This should be the first step to tackle as children with autism often suffer from serious gut issues. Having your child checked before undergoing any diet regimen will ensure his or her safety.

2. When introducing new food, do it gently and gradually. Autistic children have specific wants and they thrive on repetition. A carrot is a carrot not a carrot cake. Work around this dilemma by slowly introducing new food in small doses along with his favored food. Putting a colorful vegetable side dish on his favorite Salisbury steak can prove to be disastrous. Integrate small pieces of carrot and potato on the steak itself, in a small amount, will do the trick. The idea is to slowly make him get used to the taste and texture of the new food. This can be challenging but doable.

3. A gluten-free and casein-free diet has been growing in popularity. The premise of this diet is to eliminate certain food groups that aggravate the symptoms. Though proven effective, this can be taxing. The key here is not to abruptly alter your child’s diet regimen. Yes, it will take a lot of pain when it comes to this. Doable, yes but the perspective must be for long term use and not just for a week or two. There are stores and pastry shops nowadays that sell GF-CF food items and if you have one in your area, slowly introduce this to your child. If not, make sure you have plenty of time to work in your kitchen as this requires dedication and focus.

4. Infusing healthy liquids to your child’s diet will prove to be an amazing move. Try juicing apples, oranges, berries, pineapples or whatever fruit your child prefers. Instead of commercial juices, this one is packed with vitamins and minerals for your child’s growth. Invest in a good working juicer for this.

5. Most kids with autism are known to have gut issues. Adding yogurt or any probiotics to his diet will make his meal more enjoyable and his gut more stabilized. Most kids love this food item and infusing these to your child’s regimen will help compensate minerals and nutrients he loses out somewhere else.

Photo Credits: http://homeremedieslog.com/health-topics/mental-health/autism/diet-2/

To make a meal enjoyable, one might consider setting an example for a child with autism. These kids, whether high or low functioning, are very perceptive of their environment. Eating along with your child will prove to be the best course of action.

Photo Credits: http://sunfieldcenter.com/picky-eating-and-tummy-troubles-how-to-improve-mealtime-for-your-child/

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November 3, 2015 Living Autism 1 Comment

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When Autism Becomes You

October 30, 2015 Pamela Bryson-Weaver 1 Comment

I believe there must be some truth to the adage “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”I believe many mothers and fathers out there are on the same page as I am when facing autism, a lifelong struggle. Hearing it for the first time felt like I am drowning in a bottomless pit. Was I scared? Confused? Angry? Yes, I was engulfed in so many emotions all at the same time. It was scary and heartbreaking to look at a cherubic 2-year old knowing that his whole life will be fraught with challenges and limitations—and knowing that you can only do so much.

Fifteen years ago, I had my youngest son diagnosed with Autism. It rendered me speechless. Having survived my eldest son’s Tourette’s and ADHD, I really thought nothing will ever shake my world again. But after John’s autism diagnosis, I caught myself in the midst of a seismic shift that will forever alter my perspective about motherhood and life in general.

My first instinct was to look up the disorder in the library. But books about autism fifteen years ago are scant, if not limited. Autism is a hush-hush subject and many families who are in the midst of such a turmoil often caught themselves off-guard. Like me, they were also in a quandary on what to do, where to go and how to start anew. Along with the interest of learning about autism is that undeniable feeling of helplessness wherein you felt like screaming “go away!”

Frankly, the easiest recourse was to wallow in sadness. It has no known cure or cause after all. It was as vague as the issue of alien sightings. There is no definite answer but only that this is going to create changes in your family. It will create a lot of pressure and bring out bucketful of tears. It can either break or make your bond stronger.

I was told that my Johnny, my sweet little boy, is going to grow up differently. That he will never live normally. At some point I loathe the word “normal” so much that I felt like pulling my hair each time someone points out that reality. It cannot be helped that there will always be some insensitive people who do not mind their tongues when talking to you. What hurts me the most was that they do not even show remorse when they label your kid—in your face!

But I refused to give in. After the shock of the diagnosis mellowed down, I began my journey as an advocate. I left my career path in the dental industry and become an activist for children with special needs. With the help of some community members undergoing the same journey as I do, we were able to champion the financial aid of $20,000 per year for all children diagnosed with autism in New Brunswick. I became the president of the Autism Society of New Brunswick and then, served as a director of Pee Wee Active Living (formally Junior Special Olympics, a program that kicked off in Hanwell).

I refused to give in further to the depressing thought of a disorder that has no cure and passed, via the Catholic Women’s League of Canada, a resolution that gave rise to the support of individuals with autism from the government. Resolution 04.08 was passed in the national arena on 2004 and had given a lot of assistance to autism families in need.

When Autism Becomes You - pamela and john

If there is one thing I have learned about my son’s autism (as well as my Joshua’s ADHD and Tourette’s), it is to have faith and letting that faith guide you to make positive changes not just in your life but in others as well. There is no one in this world who can advocate for a child than his or her own parents. To make things come full circle, however, you need to include others in your advocacy.

Indeed, autism is a road less travelled. The journey is fraught with difficulties, trials and tribulations. But these challenges should not be seen as hindrances. The only kryptonite that curtails your power to move and work around it is your own disposition in life. Have faith. Reach out to others. There is nothing more delightful than trudging an uphill climb with someone to hold your hands.

My son John during our recent cruising escapade

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AUptimism In The Midst of Adversity

October 27, 2015 Pamela Bryson-Weaver Leave a comment

Autism In The Midst of Adversity — Photo Credits: http://www.wecarechildren.org/afsp

Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A world of optimism and hope. A ‘you can do it’ when things are tough. ~~ Helen Keller

There seems to be a lot going on in various autism communities and families around the globe. Some say it is due to reclassification, of late diagnoses, and of rising awareness to the disorder. In my humble opinion, however, the surrounding arguments are immaterial. The fact that there is shortage in autism services is a clear indication that this is growing and, up to this moment, has no known cure and no “absolute” therapy to manage it. Best of all, there is little, if not zero, services for adults on the spectrum.

My Johnny is going to be an adult pretty soon and, can no longer avail the free services allotted for him. He will no longer be on the list of “qualified” individuals but rather will be left in oblivion. He is well-protected because we, his family, are still here. What scares me most and, perhaps, many autism parents out there is what the future might bring. How will these kids fare when left alone in a world where acceptance is a long hurdle to achieve?

I have written before on how to prepare our children for a bleak adult future. I advocate on teaching them appropriate life skills and other needed abilities to ensure their future. But this is not easy hurdle to make especially for those who are in the lower end of the spectrum. This leaves many families in a quandary on what to do should their children will be left alone with no one to care for them—and I join them in this predicament.

Autism is a lifetime disorder. To some, it can be managed. To others, it takes all their strength and sanity just to get by each day. One thing, however, is for sure—it is here to stay and still has no known cure, or even an absolute cause. It is not a disease that one can simply operate upon. It cannot be removed like a tumor. It is what it is and, whether we, autism families, like it or not, it will continue to haunt our every waking moment. But this reality should not hinder our efforts to advocate for more autism awareness. Acceptance may sound like a long shot but, nothing could go wrong if we stay an optimist all throughout the ordeal.