Someone asked me if vaccines can cause autism and I said yes. But that’s just my personal observation as a mother to a child with autism. After John received his MMR shots, the once vivacious boy almost immediately became prone to tantrums. We could not call it a meltdown then, thinking that it could just be because he’s a toddler and prone to that. Then, the banging of the head began and the hair pulling and rocking back and forth. Until one day, all the light that used to shine in his eyes was gone, extinguished to oblivion— as well as all his verbal communications completely disappeared.

Having been gone through a string of difficulties with my eldest son’s Tourette’s, I really thought I could not make it through with John’s diagnosis. There came a time that amid all the signs, I would tell myself that perhaps, the vaccine will be flushed from his system and he will be back to being a precocious little lad who always sports a smile. But two, three weeks passed then, a month, two, and then, the head-banging, constant body rocking and aloofness set in.

That’s when I realized that something is terribly wrong. At that time, I felt that the vaccine triggered John’s autism, that he had a negative response, just like he was “rewired” by the vaccine. I strongly believe this still. As a Mom, it was the most painful thing to see our son being transformed into something he had no say in. I castigated myself for having him take that shot. But that was 15 years ago. Who would have thought that such a routine vaccination could change our lives, forever.

When John was diagnosed with autism, the doctor’s cannot answer what caused it. There were already a lot of speculations about the health risk of MMR to young kids years ago but, it was (as always) debunked by the medical community as a farce. Vaccine means safety. No vaccine can cause an outbreak, a breach in the economy, an imbalance.

Truly, there are a lot of findings, observations, researches, and what-have-you debunking the link on vaccines and autism—and I totally understand it. There are also countless autism families who also believe that vaccines DO NOT cause autism—and I totally understand it, too. But as a Mom to a son with autism, I am firmly resolved that that vaccine played a significant role in my son’s autism—and I know this may cause a lot of opposing reactions but..

I am not asking anyone to follow my convictions. Your life story, as it seems, is definitely not the same as mine, in the same way as every autism case is unique.

I am not asking anyone not to get a vaccine. You should know what is right for your child. My only obligation is to my own.

I am not asking anyone to believe me. I just felt that I needed to take a stand as I have grown tired hearing and reading this endless debate on the vaccine-autism link.

Again, I am firm in my resolve that my son’s autism is caused— triggered or what you may call it— by a vaccine but, that’s just me. I am not asking you to believe me nor am I fetching your opinion on my personal issues.

This is what I believed in so, I hope you can stop debunking my belief. I respect the expertise on both sides of this argument and I do hope you can also respect my belief as a mother who carried her child with all the love in the world.

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